LGBT talk

Mike` wrote:

I love reading these stories, gives me so much perspective on certain things. I can only guess in a lot of instances, but I feel like I have a bit more of an understanding about things.

Legend!

Sez wrote:

I'm not into labels (haha Santana quote there )

But I'm loving these stories on here

I'm straight but also a bit confused about myself lol. Like I love Naya etc..but now I keep staring at real nice looking girls when I'm out or on public transport (thank god for sunglasses lol). So yeah not sure how to label myself at this point, I have mentioned about being pansexual (because I'm actually into someone's personality more than there looks) to some people in my life (close friends and my mum) and to be honest I am crushing on a guy atm.

But I still support the LGBT community no matter if I'm straight or whatever lol

Sorry for the messy writing, hard to explain on the internet

If you don't feel you fit in to a category, that's fine. People in general are too concerned with labels anyway. Just be who you are and like who you like and just roll with it.

Sometimes I find myself checking out guys (only very rarely, mind you), I can appreciate attractive-ness in anyone, I just know that I wouldn't wanna sleep with them. Not that I'm ruling that out forever. Who knows how I'll feel in the future? People change.

PS. I thought you explained yourself pretty well.

Thanks Charlie
I am who I am and yeah

Thanks I'm always writing messy on the internet and people are like huh? lol

Ok, so I'll have a bit of a stab at this... please bear with me, I'm not the best at this.

I guess I always knew I was different, not gay necessarily, but not like most other people. I asked my female Sunday school teacher to marry me when I was 5, which really should have given my parents a bit of a clue... but it didn't. (Probably explains why I'm not great in churches too lol)

By the time I was a teenager, I realised I liked girls more than guys, and as a result overcompensated massively on the kissing boys front. Honestly and this will sound awful but I must have kissed hundreds by the time I was 18. I could never bring myself to actually sleep with them though. I went to an all girls school, and the thought of being outed terrified me - I would have been ripped apart. Hence the pulling boys on a grand scale. It did happen eventually at my 6th form ball (so like prom for you guys in the US) but at least I never had to go back to school again. I had kissed a girl by this point, but only in the girls kissing girls for the hell of it kind of way, which my friends did quite a lot, and I was always a bit reluctant to do as it hit a little close to home, but on at least one occasion, with some alcohol in me I did. My PE teacher kissed me on the lips the day she left our school too, I guess I'd have been about 16 then? But that's a different story. lol. I guess I finally accepted it when I was with my last boyfriend. I had to stay over at his because I missed my last train and had no way of getting home, and so stayed over. I remember just lying in his bed, feeling so sad, and how this didn't feel at all right, and I just started to cry. I just got up and went to the bathroom and cried for like an hour. We broke up shortly after, on some sort of anniversary I had forgotten, which made me feel awful but relieved at the same time.

After that I met my first girlfriend... and her starts the story of my absolutely appalling luck with women. Seriously I might actually take the worst lesbian title after you finish reading all this. It started well, I was in love etc. But it was no without it's complications. She lived in London and me in Liverpool about to start uni in Leeds after a year out. With me travelling down to London all the time to see my 'friend' my parents figured out something must be up, and eventually I had no choice but to tell them. My Dad was disappointed, and to this day we never really bring up my sexuality. He's met my girlfriends and is always nice, but I wouldn't say he's comfortable with it, and would never tell his friends (so I lie when I'm with them). My mum was initially ok, but once she realised it wasn't a phase started doing wierd stuff like letting the milkman (who I'd pretend dated when I was 5) to come and see my while I was asleep in an attempt to match make us?! . Meantime, I transferred uni's to London , carried on dealing with the fact my girlfriends parents hated me. It was very complicated, her parents were Jamaican, and quite religious, so there daughter going out with some white northerner, who was also a girl didn't exactly thrill them to say the very least. Anyway, before I even got to uni, we broke up... turns out she'd met some stripper, and that was that lol. At least she was black though, so I'm sure that was a one up in her parents eyes anyway lol.

I bounced back surprisingly well from that one, and started dating another girl, then uni started, and we went to different places, and well to cut a long story short she went a bit mental. Seriously paranoid. Constantly thought I was cheating. I was done, and she knew it. I was going to break it off when she told me she had a brain tumour... well I couldn't, I just couldn't, so I stuck it out. After a couple of months things didn't add up, and it became obvious that the nut job, had made it up!! I didn't have 100% proof though, and still had a niggle in the back of my mind saying, what if it's true, what if I dump her and am like the biggest bitch in the world. So I carried on with it until, one day when my sister was visiting me I tried to reason with her and she got a bit violent... that's my line... once that was crossed that was it.

Above nut job scarred me somewhat and I tried a boy... didn't like it. The rest of college was just random hook ups, and I had a fuck buddy, and a no strings attached deal, which worked quite well. I stayed like that for about 3 years. I did meet a girl I liked at uni, and although we did try and go out a few times, she was very religious, not at all happy about being gay, and could never quite commit. During my second degree, I started another, non commited casual relationship with a girl, but it was never really going anywhere. We were friends who liked a warm body to sleep next to more than anything, with the occasional bit more if we both felt like it. Then randomly said girl I liked who had been in Spain for a year appeared back in the picture, and although I was reluctant, I invited her to my birthday that year. We met as friends a couple more times, and then on her birthday we got together. I was a little hesitant at first, but despite my subconscious attempts to sabotage the relationship in it's early stages we were together for almost 5 years until she got posted in Canada with her job.

We did the long distance thing for a while, and although I had offered to move out there 2, we decide to try it this way, as my career was going well, and initially it was only a 1 year deal in Canada. At the same time, my parents broke up, my mum had a total meltdown, and work was crazy. I made the decision to move up to Manchester to be closer to my parents, as I thought that was the right thing to do. This put a lot of pressure on an already strained situation. I was up at 6am every morning then was working till at least 7pm every night. Coming home, calling my mum who would cry at me for at least an hour. Then I'd get called my my dad, and my sister, who wasn't talking to my dad, and then it would be like 10-11pm at night and time to call my girlfriend, and quite frankly by that point I'd lost the will to speak. I tried as best I could, but conversations weren't fun, because all I would have done is worked and been cried at. As far as my family were concerned this was ok, because I am the strong one. Eventually she met someone else, and I don't even blame her for cheating on me.

Since then I've been very reluctant to let anyone else in, in fact letting anyone close at all has been a relatively new thing, and has probably taught me that I'm still not ready to let myself get hurt again. I have tried to be open to love, and even met someone, I thought I had something with, but it didn't work out.

I have learned though, that love is more important than work, and sometimes it's worth taking a chance on people... even if it doesn't work out.

Longest post ever! Congrats!

Isabela wrote:

Longest post ever! Congrats!

Probably a massive overshare there dude to be quite honest, but it beats doing my CV, and well I need some sort of therapy, and I think that might be it!

Span_ski wrote:

Probably a massive overshare there dude to be quite honest, but it beats doing my CV, and well I need some sort of therapy, and I think that might be it!

And we all have our sad stories. That doesn't make you the worst lesbian ever. Okay, fake brain tumor was a bit too much, I agree with that, but relantionships are hard, especially between women (I feel). Besides, being gay makes people already insecure, especially at young age, which can lead to disaster at points.

I'm just creeping on this thread, and feel the need to give you a massive hug, Span

That was quite a post. I can see why you were putting off writing it. Glad you did though. And I didn't see anything in there that indicate's you should take Shanna's title of worst lesbian ever.

Isa, I see what you're saying about ff relationships being hard. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier to date a guy. They're too lazy for manipulation.

Thanks guys! It's all good though!

I don't regret any of it, ok I might do a few things differently if I had the chance, but really, without all of that stuff happening I probably wouldn't be where I am now.

The uni I transferred to for girlfriend 1 is like one of the top 10 uni's in the world, and I would never have thought I would have been good enough to get in otherwise or brave enough to try. So definitely a positive.

I'd have stayed in the job, probably never seen half of the things I have over the past few months.. or met half of the people. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be about to head to S America either

Every single thing that happens, good or bad, shapes you in some way, and every cloud really does have a silver lining.

I also have without a doubt the best friends a girl could ever wish for.

Good, you beat my post! Writing out everything like that is theraupetic, isn't it.
And don't give up hope yet. I'm hopelessy romantic, to the point of insanity probably, but I'm sure life is going to surprise you

I think my title of "Worst Lesbian Ever" is still intact Han

Charlie wrote:

Isa, I see what you're saying about ff relationships being hard. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier to date a guy. They're too lazy for manipulation.

I'm not sure about manipulations, but women have so many feelings? Anything is a good reason to be hurt, to be disappointed, to be sad, to feel unwanted, to feel like the other person doesn't care, etc. It can be hard. Men are more pratical.

Isabela wrote:

Charlie wrote:

Isa, I see what you're saying about ff relationships being hard. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier to date a guy. They're too lazy for manipulation.

I'm not sure about manipulations, but women have so many feelings? Anything is a good reason to be hurt, to be disappointed, to be sad, to feel unwanted, to feel like the other person doesn't care, etc. It can be hard. Men are more pratical.

Na we aren't, it's just society's perception that we are. Boys are raised to hide their feelings, to not let emotion get in the way of work; women not so much. We're just as much of an emotional wreck, we just suck it up and move on with our lives rather than dwelling in the past, or even the present (The future is much more interesting).

The lazy part is pretty close to the mark though.

Isabela wrote:

Charlie wrote:

Isa, I see what you're saying about ff relationships being hard. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier to date a guy. They're too lazy for manipulation.

I'm not sure about manipulations, but women have so many feelings? Anything is a good reason to be hurt, to be disappointed, to be sad, to feel unwanted, to feel like the other person doesn't care, etc. It can be hard. Men are more pratical.

Anything is a good reason to 'say' that your hurt, disappointed, feel sad, unwanted, like the other person doesn't care etc. Manipulation, manipulation, manipulation...

Can you tell what my main issues in previous relationships have been?

Shanna_ wrote:

I think my title of "Worst Lesbian Ever" is still intact Han

Ahhh I dunno, you're not so bad lol.

I've met worse... trust me!

I think I'll over share and cement my title as worst lesbian...

I have a little issue with investing my feelings into impossible situations. I probably do it because there isn't any chance of it ever happening and I never have to worry about dealing with the consequences of a relationship. I get that about myself. Anyway, I met this girl. She's very very straight. I feel for her hardcore. I could, and did, compose some epic odes about her. We were out one time and a new guy moved into the area and joined our group of friends. He hit it off with my friend. They were getting their flirt on and I didn't like it at all. The thought of her hooking up with the girl was something I couldn't deal with. I didn't want him to have her so I did the awful and made a play on him. I knew I could get him because, as conceited as this sounds, I've never not gotten a guy to do exactly what I want. I swooped in and stole him from her because I wanted her all to myself even if it was only friendship. I strung that guy along for 6 months to keep him from getting together with the girl. I was selfish ass but in the end I stepped aside. Karma's a bitch because I'm the one who got hurt the most by my actions. They're together still. They're happy and when I see them I feel like an ice pick is stuck in my heart.

I think my title is safe.

It's all yours kiddo, you can keep it lol

Wow, Shanna, that's... just, wow.

That's really sad Shanna, because in the end you're the only one suffering out of this, like you said. I wish I knew and hug all you guys in person


(I'll try to find more hug gifs, I feel like we're going to need them on this thread)

Well, love makes us do funny things. I try not to do feelings anymore. If they make an appearance I tend to run the other way. It's better for everyone that way.

I also just realized that that was the first time I've actually ever admitted what I did in that situation. Interesting...

Shanna_ wrote:

Well, love makes us do funny things. I try not to do feelings anymore. If they make an appearance I tend to run the other way. It's better for everyone that way.

I also just realized that that was the first time I've actually ever admitted what I did in that situation. Interesting...

Was it theraputic?

Charlie wrote:

Shanna_ wrote:

Well, love makes us do funny things. I try not to do feelings anymore. If they make an appearance I tend to run the other way. It's better for everyone that way.

I also just realized that that was the first time I've actually ever admitted what I did in that situation. Interesting...

Was it theraputic?

I'm not sure. I think it made me sick to my stomach. That's something I guess.

Shanna_ wrote:

Charlie wrote:

Shanna_ wrote:

Well, love makes us do funny things. I try not to do feelings anymore. If they make an appearance I tend to run the other way. It's better for everyone that way.

I also just realized that that was the first time I've actually ever admitted what I did in that situation. Interesting...

Was it theraputic?

I'm not sure. I think it made me sick to my stomach. That's something I guess.

I guess that's some form of therapy, it made you think about how it makes you feel now.

Shanna_ wrote:

Well, love makes us do funny things. I try not to do feelings anymore. If they make an appearance I tend to run the other way. It's better for everyone that way.

I also just realized that that was the first time I've actually ever admitted what I did in that situation. Interesting...

Don't be so hard on yourself Shanna. Everybody makes mistakes, and love can in fact make us do the weirdest things.
But it doesn't mean feelings are bad. You're not a bad person, and you still deserve to love, and be loved. So don't deprive yourself of that.