LGBT talk

Yeah that's what I meant....haven't seen the episode for ages.

Sez wrote:

Jugz da' Clown wrote:

I know I don't choose to be attracted to both men and women. I only choose who I date.

That's exactly who I am....I choose who I'm attracted to by their personality and looks not by their gender.

And I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything, but how do you "choose" who you are attracted to? My whole point was I CAN'T do that. No one chooses who they are attracted to.

I see your point....I guess I'm just confused with myself hence using the word "choose". It's very hard for me to write on here sometimes tbh. Cause sometime's I don't make sense in what I'm saying . Luckily it doesn't put me off that much.

Quote :

On the whole, women tend to work through developing a self-concept internally, or with other women with whom they are intimate. Women also limit who they divulge their sexual identities to, and more often see being lesbian as a choice, as opposed to gay men, who work more externally and see being gay as outside their control.

This is from the wikipedia page about lesbians. I have to admit I'm a little torn, I don't think it's right to state that lesbianism is a choice, because I really don't want to give the homophobic close-minded people out there the benefit of the doubt, and I'm pretty sure I liked girls before realizing what that meant.
On the other hand though, I still can't figure out how to label myself. It's true, I prefer women, I'm attracted to them, I have plenty of crushes, and that simply never happens with men. Mostly men are... not that interesting, but that doesn't mean I can't feel attracted to them if they're very very good looking. So what does that mean? Am I bisexual preferring my own gender? I only like men who look androgynous? Am I just, you know, single and horny?

I mean, in the end we are all humans, with arms, legs, eyes, a mouth, what difference does it make if you're a girl or a boy? If someone's interesting, isn't it normal to feel attracted to them? So many people think that sexuality (especially women's sexuality apparently) is fluid, and sticking a label on that is ridiculous. Still, our society basically force you to pick that label, and I can't bring myself to do it. Do I go with bi? But I don't feel bi. Well, sometimes I do, but mostly I'd rather be with a woman. Is that enough to say I'm gay? And then what if I fall for a man? It never happened, but I don't want to completely rule out the possibility. I can't wrap my head around it

That's my problem with labels.... I don't exactly fit any of them, and to be honest, I don't see why I should have to. I love who I love without any gender bias. If you're going to go with the numbers then the women far out number the men, but does that make me 100% gay? I don't know. I know I've never had a relationship with a man I've slept with? But I have had relationships with men, and I've considered it since most people that know me would consider me to be a lesbian?

Damn, when I actually stop and think about it I find this whole topic very confusing.

Labels are just a thing to help people feel like they fit in somewhere. If asked I'll identify as a lesbian but that doesn't mean my actions will 100% fall into that catagory. It just gives me a place to feel like I belong. That's all a label will do.

Well, that's kind of how I feel about labels. I haven't "defined" myself and I really don't feel like I should do that. I did the test and obviously it says that I'm bisexual.

Quote :

For the most part, you are bisexual. You have a slight preference for the opposite sex, but either sex would suit you

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So.. yes, I do what it feels right/good in the exact moment that is happening. It's all about timing, at least for me. I mean, nobody but me knows what I want and how I feel. I'm the owner of my life, my body and my conscience. If I'm not hurting anyone and I'm not hurting myself.. why that would be a trouble?
So whatever, love is love and sex is sex. It doesn't matter what the other person has between her/his legs.
I think like this about life, not only sexuality. I don't want people to agree with me. I know that for some people is important to "define" themselves. I just.. I don't think things that way. I can't.
Carpe Diem.

Ps. I know I sound like a teen. Maybe I still am. But I'm taking my life easy. And I'm not having a bad time

See, for me the label is important, it makes me feel like I belong somewhere. This boy thing is confusing, it's like I wouldn't feel "right" with them. But sometimes it feels like I'm talking myself out of it.
Am I a lesbian or I just want to be one? Just like all those years ago I wanted to be straight?
I know I shouldn't care, but it is a great deal to me.

There isn't anything wrong with trying to figure out where you fit in. That is what the label does, it gives you a place to belong. I wouldn't worry about talking yourself out of anything. If you think that being with a boy wouldn't feel right then you're probably right. The label for yourself should be what you feel comfortable with. I label myself as a lesbian and I've been with some guys. It doesn't do anything for me but I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again. Does that make me bi? I don't think so. It just makes me a terrible lesbian. Only you can say where you really fit in.

What if guys do something for me though. I mean, I could even be bisexual and homoromantic, who knows. But then there are so many ways to fall for people. I don't get the goosebumps with boys, but doesn't mean I couldn't grow to love them.
Last time I tried to do stuff with a boy I ended up crying and panicking like an idiot, but I was so scared about my sexuality back then. Why do I feel to go try again to make sure? It shouldn't be a great deal.
Again, maybe I'm just horny, even the test says I'm far from asexual, embarrassing

You need to remember that a label doesn't truly define your sexuality and it's not ironclad. You're in control of the label not the other way around.

Is it weird that I simply don't care about what my label technically would be if I thought about it? I identify as a lesbian though. I was top right on the chart. Can't attach the pic because I'm on my phone.

In the end, labels don't matter. I identify myself as a lesbian and it doesn't have anything to do with sex. It has to do with falling in love. I can feel sexually attracted to guys. The idea of kissing guys and having sex with guys is not disgusting for me. At all. But I know in my heart the effect women have on me. And I know guys will never have the same effect. I have dated guys and girls and I just know the difference.

So, in the end, Eli, it's cliche, but it's true: do whatever you want to do, be with whoever you want to be. Don't worry about the label in front of it. Sometimes it takes time, but you get to learn yourself and see what is it that you love, that makes you happy. The most important thing in the end is to be honest with yourself.

Isabela wrote:

So, in the end, Eli, it's cliche, but it's true: do whatever you want to do, be with whoever you want to be. Don't worry about the label in front of it. Sometimes it takes time, but you get to learn yourself and see what is it that you love, that makes you happy. The most important thing in the end is to be honest with yourself.

Thank you guys. I'm sorry I'm so sappy tonight

edited cause it was a lot of crap

Eli, I'm really glad for you that you've worked out some kind of answer for yourself. One less thing for you to worry about constantly. I'm really happy for you.

eli_ wrote:

edited cause it was a lot of crap

I disagree.

Just wanted to tell you guys that I decided two things.
First, to explore the "bisexual" option a bit. I don't know where it will take me or if it's going to work, but I'm tired of giving myfels guilt trips every time my mind wanders there.
Second, to come out to my sister. Not now, because she's in college most of the time and I need to plan things better. I'll wait for the right time, but I'm mentally bracing myself to do it. It's kinda scary to think about it tbh.

Also, an article I found a while ago
BBC News: What is it like to be asexual?
Ace people are so unrrepresented in the media I was really glad to read this.

I definitely read that article a while ago too. I don't think I know anyone who identifies as asexual. That's probably for the best though. I ask for too many questions when I meet someone interesting. Lol.

Exploring can be a good thing, Eli. And you should never feel guilty about your emotions/attraction etc. I wish I could give you some of my 'IDGAF' mentality.

eli_ wrote:

Just wanted to tell you guys that I decided two things.
First, to explore the "bisexual" option a bit. I don't know where it will take me or if it's going to work, but I'm tired of giving myfels guilt trips every time my mind wanders there.
Second, to come out to my sister. Not now, because she's in college most of the time and I need to plan things better. I'll wait for the right time, but I'm mentally bracing myself to do it. It's kinda scary to think about it tbh.

Also, an article I found a while ago
BBC News: What is it like to be asexual?
Ace people are so unrrepresented in the media I was really glad to read this.

You should explore! Never feel guilty about who you're (possibly) attracted to

Big step with telling your sister. Update usss

Oh yeah! Forgot about the sister part. I'm really happy that you feel like you're ready for that. It's great. What sort of right time are you waiting for?

Well, she's here on the weekends, but I need like, the right place, and the right mood. Maybe I can take her for a walk in the woods? Is that weird?

Not at all. Of course you should do it somewhere that you're going to feel comfortable.

I personally would take someone to a nice, open, calm place (but whatever you feel is right of course )
Do you know what she thinks about gay people etc? How do you think she'll take it?